Marriage Series 2

This is a very personal post from me to my significant other.
Straight from my heart. Unvarnished. I'm gonna tell it to you like I feel it.
Today didn't go according to plan. We both know you were looking forward to that package and red tape, delays bla bla bla meant you could not get it and they are asking you for stuff that isn't necessary because they don't want to refer to their own paper work. I AM SORRY ABOUT THAT.
We are in this together. We have known each other for nearly 2 years now and our daughter is turning 1 on Thursday. I love you and cherish you.
I realise that we all deal with set-backs differently and I would like to be the one who can help you out of yours and make you feel better. I want to be the Delilah for your Samson. I don't mean some seductive temptress ready to betray your strength to the Philistines but the woman whose lap you rest your head. INTIMACY. It aint just a sex thing.
When you called your mother after the set back, after my seeking to comfort you, it struck a raw nerve with me. I felt inadequate. I felt I have no intimacy with you. I felt I cannot bring reassurance,healing and comfort to you.Bottom line is I felt like a stranger, like I hadn't even tried. I am NOT saying 'snap out of it' or 'I am your be-all and end-all'. Hardly.
I am saying I want to touch you, I want to be there for you. I want to make an impact.
I'll admit to you. The lazy, superficial me was kinda relieved when you were spilling your guts to your mummy dearest about the set-back when it's something I had tried to comfort you over- and clearly failed. That lazy part that doesn't like dirtying its levitical robes with the messy human emotions of frustration,anger and disappointment said 'Thank God for his mummy. Mental note to self:He can always take it to her and I can be perfunctory in my soothing efforts next time'. But no. I didn't feel any release from that. It's not that easy.And thank God!
I did learn something though. In this marriage journey: I WILL FALL SHORT.
It's not necessarily a delightful lesson,but are they ever? I figure better now than 3,6 or 15 years from now when I've built a tower of Babel to my glory and success as an empathetic wife who can wipe her husband's tears and soothe his troubles away with a lick and a promise.
I hope the pre-marriage counsellors are telling the smitten brides- and grooms- to- be this. If they don't, you can always take it from me.
There will be more good days after this. THERE BETTER BE!!!!!!!
x